


Two Different Voices

by Withywood



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, F/F, POV Catra (She-Ra), POV First Person, catradora, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:41:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24361519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Withywood/pseuds/Withywood
Summary: After Catra overhears an argument about whether or not she belongs in Bright Moon's royal chambers or the dungeons, a surprising face helps her work through her issues.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 180





	Two Different Voices

**Author's Note:**

> A mental health focused fic with themes that are close to my heart. Catra has a redemption arc, but her baggage won't just go away overnight, and I wanted to explore how she'd begin to heal.

Dawn in Bright Moon looks so different to watching the sun rise in the Fright Zone. Gone is the thick industrial haze of smog, clouding the sunlight into merely the suggestion of day. Here, the morning proudly rises beyond the Whispering Woods, the first trickles of light shining through the arches of the castle warming my skin. It’ll take a lot of getting used to, but everything here will. There’s no network of pipes and vents to skulk through, no narrow passageways and long forgotten storerooms to hide away in. The ceilings in the castle raise impossibly high, most rooms blending the gardens and courtyards freely with the interiors, everything in Bright Moon is open and, well, bright. As I walk through the halls this morning in search of the kitchen, I can’t help but feel uncomfortably visible. To hammer the sensation in, I can’t go more than a few feet without seeing another royal guard standing post or marching on patrol, glaring at me as I pass with their unforgivingly cold gaze through their polished silver helms. Every time, I match their stare, scowling right back. Now and then I even hear them whispering to each-other about me, but I can only catch bits and pieces. _"The battle at… I lost my best… who does she think…"_ My heart sinks in my chest, but I don’t let them see it. Melog pines at me, their face a concerned frown. I lean down and scratch them under the chin, and they purr contentedly, nuzzling into my leg. ‘Yeah, yeah, I know. We won’t let them bother us, don’t worry.’ I reassure my friend, looking up at the pair standing by the chamber ahead. They quickly stop murmuring, both turning to look as far away from me as they can. 

The castle is still an impossible maze to me, even though Sparkles brought me on a tour yesterday. Well, I say brought me, but it was clear the whole time that I was the last person she wanted to be stuck with. She said the bare minimum she could through it, just listing the rooms, her feigned friendliness so low effort it would have been less insulting if she just hadn’t bothered at all. If she was honest about how uncomfortable she was to be with someone she hates so much, the whole ordeal would have been more painless. Not like I was about to do her any favours and make chit-chat, either. I practically begged Adora to take me instead, but she got dragged off to be shown off like a prize horse to the court. I’ve barely seen any of her since we got… I can’t call it home, but since we got here. So much official business for the hero of Etheria, while I’m tossed aside like week old rations. It’s probably not her fault though, and she still comes into back into our chambers every night, into my arms. Heat rushes to my face, I pull what my still growing in hair I can in front of it. One of these days I need to remind everyone that she’s mine, and how bad I am at sharing. I’m pulled out of my train of thought by familiar voices creeping from my left. My ears twitch, following the sound. Spellacasta and Mikah, and they don’t sound very happy. Without me needing to ask, Melog cloaks us, and I soundlessly creep around the archway, finding myself in the throne room. Mikah and Casta are standing in the centre of the room, Casta thrusting an impatient finger in the king’s face. I crouch along behind a pillar, easing myself down to listen.

‘I understand you’ve been absent, but how long are we going to keep this up? You realise the other day at dinner Princess Entrapta brought along Hordak. TWO Hordaks, actually, as if one wasn’t bad enough,’ she lectured, hand on her hip. Mikah was wearing a patient smile, his hands raised, trying to calm her.

‘Sister, I do understand, but it’s simply not black and white.’

‘Try telling that to the villages that are still smouldering ruins because of him. Or maybe you’d like to wax the complexities of morality to the widows and widowers of the war against the Horde? We won, Mikah, the cards are in our hands. We needn’t be so conciliatory to that monster. And not just that monster, what about Adora’s new pet?’ My blood froze in my veins. Melog let out a low hiss, but I rest my hand on their head, calming them. ‘Have you seen her prancing about the castle with Adora like she belongs here? Yesterday I found her napping in the laundry room, on a basket of my finest evening-wear, with that horrid beast next to her.’

‘Now that’s too far, Catra’s the reason Adora is still here. The reason we’re all still here. Prime would have—’

‘Adora is She-ra, she didn’t need that brat to come to her rescue, we would have been fine,’ Casta objects, storming away with her back turned and folding her arms. My hair stands on ends, my knuckles white from clenching. I sure didn’t see her precious little ass fighting the First One security to save her. Where was she when Prime corrupted the Heart? I raise up, spinning around the pillar, about to uncloak and let her know what I think of her theories. ‘And let’s not forget your wife, Mikah.’ I stop dead in my tracks, feeling my stomach turn.

‘Casta, you will not bring her into this. She made a decision and she made a sacrifice, it had nothing to do with Catra,’ Mikah’s voice raises as he talks, the king’s usually calm demeanour turning dark. ‘My wife would never blame her.’

‘Well, we wouldn’t know now, would we? She’s not exactly around to ask! And whose fault is that? Who broke the world to such an extent that she needed to die to fix it? Was it you, dear brother? Was it She-ra? Or was it the right hand of the Horde, torching the very fabric of reality because of a temper tantrum?’ She demanded, arms swinging wildly in anger. ‘She’s a murderer, everyone knows it, and we’re all tired of making nice with the reason that your daughter took the burden of the crown in a bloody war as a mere child.’ I’m frozen to the spot, my chest crushingly tight, like someone is striking it with a hammer. 

‘How DARE you,’ another voice calls out from the archway. Adora, standing in her pyjamas with scruffy bedhead, face lined and eyes cindering with fury. Casta gasps, hand flat against her chest. Melog mews affectionately at her, the cloak falling off. Adora takes a turn to gasp, the anger melting off her face as it becomes shock and worry. ‘Catra, were you…’ She steps towards me, reaching out. I look from her to Casta, who is stammering and looking for a rock to crawl under. Mikah is next to her, looking as shocked as Adora. It feels as though time is standing still, and my ears are ringing as if a grenade just went off next to me. My vision starts to blur, and I realise my eyes are starting to well with tears. A million thoughts and feelings rush through my head, but at the same time, I feel completely numb. Melog is on their hackles, mane turned a fierce crimson, seething at Casta. Adora is only a couple of feet away, and just as her hand brushes my shoulder, I turn and sprint out the door. The world is a blur around me and I run as fast as I can, rounding corner after corner, nearly colliding with more than a few castle staff and one still very sleepy Bow.

‘Catra…?’ He calls out after me in a confused tone. I don’t look back. I don’t even know where I’m running to, I just need to make some distance between myself and that room, and the people in it, and everyone. My eyes sting with hot tears, so I keep my head down. Adora overheard everything, there’s no way she won’t believe it all. And why wouldn’t she? It’s all true. I’m the one who pulled that stupid lever, and even when the ground I stood on was cascading into nothingness around me, I still attacked the love of my life. Just because I was so desperate to let everything finally end. Even then, she was still begging me to listen to her, and not once did I even think about it. I fly out of a tall archway, seeing a room of dead flowers ahead. Good, it’s probably neglected. Nobody will come looking for me in there. I find a corner and wrap my arms around my legs, burying my face into my knees among the withered roses. They hate me. Adora told me they’d forgiven me, but I always knew better. I’m not stupid, I can read a room. Every dinner, every ball, every meeting, I was the uninvited guest, just there because I’m the plus one of She-ra. No wonder she stopped bringing me along, I must have been a complete embarrassment. It’s not like I’m Scorpia, even when she was with the bad guys, she was always trying to make sure she never hurt anyone. They welcomed her with open arms. Me though, once the adrenaline of saving the world wore off, everyone’s faces became a lot less warm. They were probably just pretending during the mission because it was more convenient if I thought they actually cared about me. I drag my claws into the stone beneath me, leaving deep scars. Best friend squad, yeah right. They cared about me about as much as my old friends did.

‘Are you okay?’ Perfuma’s annoyingly girly voice pipes in, and I raise my head just enough to see her with her hands clasped in front of her, wearing large gardening gloves, a floppy hat, and a concerned frown.

‘What do you care, Peaches,’ I snap at her, dropping my head back.

‘Am I… Peaches?’ She asks, confused.

‘Sure. Peaches and cream. Nauseatingly sweet,’ I grumble back at her into my knees.

‘Aw, thank you, Catra. I think you’re very sweet too!’ She chrips.

‘It wasn’t a—oh whatever, what do you want?’ I take a ragged breath, trying to sound collected.

‘Well, Glimmer told me there was a garden here that Shadow Weaver kept while she was a prisoner, and it’d seen some better days. It broke my heart to think of how these poor babies must be suffering,’ her voice actually shakes as she cusps a very thirsty looking black orchid, ‘but as well as that I find a suffering friend.’ I look around, I had no idea this was _her_ garden. No wonder it’s so grim. Wouldn’t have come in here if I knew that, or if I knew Perfuma would be in here. I glare at her, trying to make her disappear sheerly through willing it enough. ‘It’s alright, I know you aren’t much of a sharer. So I’m just going to go about helping these tortured children, and you can talk to me if you want. Better than you being by yourself, huh?’ She beams at me, almost radiating sunshine, then brushes her hand over the nightshade, humming to herself as it springs to life.

‘Maybe I like to be myself,’ I cut in, looking away from her.

‘Maybe you do, but you don’t sound so sure,’ she replies without looking up from her work. What would she know? 

‘Of course I like to be by myself, I always am. Nobody wants to be around me, that’s how it is. Except Melog, but that’s different, they imprinted on me. And Adora, I guess. But that’s gone now too,’ I find myself thinking out loud to her like an idiot. I should keep my mouth shut, not like Sunshine over here gives a damn.

‘Wanting to be alone and being forced to be alone aren’t the same thing, you know. And it sounds like there’s at least someone who wouldn’t want you in here all miserable by yourself.’ Perfuma sits down a little way away from me, lowering her hat to her lap.

‘Didn’t you hear me? She doesn’t want me anymore, she knows how much I hurt everyone now. Who’d want to be with someone who all your friends can’t stand to be around,’ I shoot back, scuffling away from her and wiping my eyes.

‘I think Adora can make up her own mind about you, Catra. I know that she already did. She was there for everything that happened during the war. She forgave you, and she always wanted you by her side. We all saw how much she hurt when you two fought,’ Perfuma coughs awkwardly, smiling at me again, ‘that’s probably not the best thing to bring up. The point is, she was always willing to forgive you. You betrayed Horde Prime, big bad of the whole universe, to save someone you didn't even like! You’re a different person now. All of us change with every passing day, and you changed for the better. We can see that.’ She reaches out and places her hand on my shoulder. I glare at it, raising my hand to swipe it away, but I sigh and slam my head back into my arms.

‘Not everyone thinks that. Casta hates me. Glimmer can barely get through a conversation with me without looking for an exit. Bow’s hardly said a word to me and the other princesses haven’t exactly been lining up to hang out.’

‘Well, I don’t know about Castaspella. Forgiveness is a journey, and for different people, that can take longer. Have you apologised to her?’ I stare at Perfuma, incredulous. 

‘Apologise? After the way she spoke about me? She turns her nose up at me every time I walk by, and you want me grovel?’

‘Not grovel, Catra. You’re laying the first foundations of a bridge to communication,’ her hands raise up and shape out arch bridge in the air, eyes sparkling. ‘Not just with her, you sort of pummelled a lot of us. Or got robots to pummel us.’ She grimaces, then frantically waves her hands in the air, adding, ‘not that I’m playing the blame game, I understand you were in a destructive state of mind, and you’re doing your best to heal. It could just be a good first step with people, is all.’

‘I’ll think about it,’ I murmur, running a claw along the flagstones on the ground. ‘I wasn’t in a “destructive state of mind” or whatever, by the way. I was just angry. And when I’m angry, I can maybe lash out.’

‘But who were you angry at?’ Perfuma asks, leaning her head over. 

‘Adora? The princesses. And the Rebellion. And Shadow Weaver. And the Horde.’

‘And maybe yourself?’ I scowl at that, ripping her hand away.

‘I was the only person I could ever count on, how could I be angry at myself? When everyone abandoned me, over and over, I pulled myself up and kept throwing myself back at the world again. Sure, I possibly made some mistakes here and there, maybe treated some people worse than I should have.’ Like how I rejected Adora, reaching out to me over and over again despite everything I threw at her, how many of her friends I hurt. Or like Scorpia, whose friendship I threw back in her face even when she bent over backwards to try and make me happy. They didn’t see me for what I really am. Those idiots even gave me another chance, even though I’m just going to end up hurting me all over again.

‘Catra? You look like you’re thinking a lot,’ Perfuma asks, a soft smile on her face.

‘I was just thinking… you might be right. Maybe I was just angry at myself. Everyone else too though, but mostly myself,’ My ears flatten as I hesitantly admit, shrinking more tightly into a ball.

‘Then you should start with forgiving yourself. Letting go of those nasty thoughts, accepting that you’re a better person now.’ Perfuma nods her head towards the door. ‘I think knowing someone like her already has might make that process easier.’ I dart my head up, seeing Adora teary eyed standing in the doorway with Melog next to her.

‘Ador—’ I can’t finish as Melog tackles me into the bushes, licking my face over and over again.

‘Melog led me right to you,’ Adora explains, running over to me. Just as I push Melog off, Adora wraps me into a tight embrace, squeezing the air out my lungs. ‘Don’t ever run away again, you complete dope.’ She cries into my ear. Tears well up in my own eyes again, and I bury my face into her neck, beginning to quietly sob. I grab at her back, like I can’t get a tight enough grip of her, like if I don’t hold her close enough she’ll disappear. ‘Why don’t we get you back to our room, huh? I had a very stern word with you know who, but I’ll deal with her later. For now, let’s just spend the day with each-other, I’ll tell Glimmer I won’t be doing any She-ra business.’ She pulls her face back to look at me, her face hot and wet, but that familiar loving smile making my chest feel so full. ‘Is that okay?’

I nod, smiling back, and Adora scoops me up into her arms and stands. 

‘Adora!’ My voice cracks as I cry, cheeks burning.

‘Oh come on, let me look after you. Starting with getting us some breakfast.’ Adora laughs. She turns to Perfuma. ‘Thank you for looking after the missus.’

‘I’m glad I finally got to spend some quality time with her. We should chat again sometime,’ she beams. It's a little less annoying now. 

‘I’d like that,’ I mutter, not making eye contact. Adora strides out of the garden, Melog in tow. She’s still sniffling a bit, and she looks down at me and sweetly smiles. A smile that says she’s always going to take care of me. I bury my face into her chest. 

If someone like her can love me, I can’t be that bad.

**Author's Note:**

> Last week I brought you fluff, this week pain. Next week? Who knows, but let me know if you have any suggestions.


End file.
